


Hero Mart

by yokainomiko



Category: Cardboardlawyer || Let's Play, Legend of Zelda, Tenkuu no Escaflowne | The Vision of Escaflowne
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Competition, Crack Pairing, Crossover, F/M, Other, Puns & Word Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-17
Updated: 2012-05-17
Packaged: 2017-11-18 11:53:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/560778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yokainomiko/pseuds/yokainomiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What starts as a fight over cereal quickly becomes about bragging rights based off of their girlfriends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero Mart

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my [tumblr](http://riceforbreakfast.tumblr.com/post/23273039951/link-and-van-featuring-lonk). [Request](http://pics.livejournal.com/yokainomiko/pic/0004qctk)

Title: Hero Mart  
Series: Legend of Zelda + Vision of Escaflowne + CardboardLawyer's LP's  
Genre: Humor  
Word Count: 519  


\-------------------------------------  


Hero Mart, where heroes go to shop. Or so the convenience store claimed. Honestly, only the lame and young heroes shopped there. Most of the cooler heroes wouldn’t dare shop at a place with such a tagline. They shop at the Mushroom Kingdom’s chain of grocery stores, Peachway.

Anyway, one evening two young heroes: Link of the Hyrule Kingdom and Van, king of Fanelia and savior of Gaia. Both grabbed the last box of Minecrafties: build your own cereal bowl and eat it.

“Hey, that’s mine.” Van said. “I need my cereal to be just for me and Minecrafties promises to never be the same twice.”

“Nuh uh, Minecrafties is the only cereal worthy of the hero with the Triforce of Courage.”

“Look, Lonk.”

“Link.”

“Really? I could’ve sworn you were named Lonk… hero of the GBC games?”

“That’s my LP alternate form. I don’t like talking about him…”

“Oh. But yeah. I deserve this cereal.”

“No, I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Oh yeah? What makes you better than a king?”

Link placed his hands on his hips and stood proudly. “ _I_ have a girlfriend.”

Van scoffed. “So? I do too.”

“Yeah, well, my girlfriend’s a princess.”

“Mine’s a seer.”

“Mine has a badass alter-ego.”

“Mine can travel through time and space at will.”

“Mine has magical powers!”

“Mine can alter destiny at will!”

Link paused. Uh, mine’s got a sword.”

“Mine has a crystallized dragon heart!” Van proudly proclaimed.

“Sometimes Zelda is a pirate and sometimes she possesses inanimate objects.” Link replied, thinking of her exploits with a suit of armor.

“Well, Hitomi can see the invisible _and_ talk to the dead.”

“What, really?”

“Yup!”

“That’s really creepy…”

Van blinked before quickly putting his hand on his sword. “No it isn’t! You’re just jealous that your girlfriend can’t talk to the dead!”

“Uh, no.” Link replied. His hand started inching towards his own weapons.

“Oooh Minecrafties!” A new, but familiar sounding, voice said.

It was someone who looked just like Link, but was wearing blue instead of green.

“Who are you?” Van asked.

“I’m Lonk! The hero of Labrynna, Holodrum, and the Wind Fish.”

“Oh, hey. I’m Van.”

“Nice to meet you! Can you get out of the way? I need to get to the Minecrafties.”

Link glared at Lonk. “What do you need it for?’

“I always eat it before meeting with my lady love.”

“Huh? Who’re you dating?” Van asked.

Link facepalmed as Lonk said, “The Maku Tree. She’s always a sturdy pillar of support for me and I love her lots.”

Van paled. “Like, an actual tree? Or like, a wood nymph?”

“Huh? No, she’s a tree. I’ve known her ever since she was practically a seedling.” Lonk smiled brightly and Van could feel his IQ points slipping away.

“So can I have the Minecrafties?”

Link and Van moved out of the way as Lonk gathered the cereal box.

He happily went to check out and Link and Van looked at their feet awkwardly.

“Truce?” Link asked.

“Truce,” Van agreed.

They both grabbed a box of Honey Nut Gorons and parted ways.


End file.
